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A Relationship that's "Hard" but WORTH IT

Versus a relationship that's hard but NOT WORTH IT.

Hey Reader,

Have you ever wondered what people mean when they say "relationships are hard"?

Like... how hard are we talking? And why are they even worth it if they are so dang hard??

And most importantly - what's the fine line between a relationship that's hard but worth it VS a relationship that's hard but not worth it? 🤔

I wanted to share something personal that came up during a recent sailing trip with my husband, which may give you a helpful perspective.

We received a lot of compliments on our relationship, and many people said, "you're so lucky."

My first thought when people say this is "Thanks! I feel so too." But my second thought is, "Just so you know... it's not all luck. We created this. We worked hard for this."

❓So, that got my philosophical brain pondering: What actually and specifically makes a relationship hard but still worth it?

In my experience, here's one answer: A relationship is hard but (potentially) worth it if you never have to question who your partner really is or what they mean to you.

❌On the other hand, a relationship is hard but NOT worth it if it's your partner's character that's making it difficult.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about minor flaws, trauma, illness, etc., but about fundamental incompatibility in character and values.

Everything else - communication styles, physical and mental health, life place - might be hard work, but it can be worth it for the right person.

Getting Personal

When my husband and I started dating, we had very different interests and personality traits. I was the outgoing, silly, and (admittedly) quite emotionally unstable one at the time. He was the introverted, balanced, but less emotionally open one. I grew up in a big family and was always surrounded by people. He was an only child with a few cousins twice his age. I loved trotting around vibrant cities, and he loved trekking around rural mountainsides.

So, as you might guess, there were some difficult times brought about by the fact that we grew up with very different perspectives, habits, and communication styles. (But, hey, isn't that the fun of it? I mean, who wants to date a clone of themselves?)

These differences were not necessarily incompatible. They were opportunities for growth and understanding. They were (and still sometimes are) challenging to overcome, which is why I may say "relationships are hard."

🆘But if I ever felt that his character was poor, he didn't love me or treat me right, or he just bored me to death, I'd be out of there. If I ever felt unsafe, unsupported, unwanted, or unsatisfied in a major way that can't be fixed, that, to me, would be considered WAY too hard.

Hope this helps you understand one of the differences between relationships that are hard but worth it VS hard but not worth it.

Does this resonate with you and your personal experience? Let me know what you think by simply responding to this email!

Very best

Imani